Dr. Deborah L. Jones-Allen is better known as mother, daughter, sister, director, and licensed clinical psychologist is in the business of enhancing and empowering the lives of all people.
Deborah, an experienced counselor for over 20 years, has helped countless people from all walks of life by instilling into them hope, confidence, courage and a realignment of their God-given purpose in the earth. As accomplished as her current life may appear; her life growing up was quite challenging, yet one that uniquely qualifies her to make such a profound impact on the lives of so many others.
This past January, I had a wonderful conversation with Dr. Deborah L. Jones-Allen to hear about her journey working with men and women helping them to find their purpose, an organization that is dedicated to enhancing the lives of all people. As I started talking with Dr. Deborah, it was as if I was talking to an old friend that I had known for numerous years. Her candid openness made the conversation easy. I couldn’t help but to pay attention to her southern accent and her soft voice. However, I could tell that no one should take her soft voice for weakness.
Deborah told me her story about her journey to inner healing, which came through publishing of her first book in 2009. After opening her heart to care for a grandson, she re-aligned her life to embrace new levels of trust, faith, promise and success. “I never anticipated raising my grandson. In fact, it was something that I seemed forced to do. My grandson had many emotional challenges so I knew that if I were to take full responsibility for raising him then that meant I would need to be available to deal with everything that came with him, specifically his fits of rage, emotional instability, and the defiance.
This was a huge undertaking.” Deborah expressed how challenging it was to make the decision to raise her grandson. “There were times that I tossed around placing him in a foster home. However, I could not do that, because he was my flesh and blood. I wrestled with the thoughts of what good could come out of him being in a foster home? As I pondered what to do, my thoughts were that foster homes are damaging to children. I didn’t want to see my grandson go through that process, so I committed myself to help him in his journey toward healing and wholeness,” explained Deborah.
Deborah’s book ‘Mirrored reflection’ represents her struggle of coming to truth as she went to help her grandson.
Deborah stated, “Each time my grandson had an emotional issue I was acting like a lunatic… I kept seeing that I was no better than him. I was frustrated, because my grandson was acting as if he were an adult. I was too busy spending most of my time correcting his behavior by, “saying you’re not an adult.” However, what I failed to understand that his role at home was that of an adult. As I was challenged to take a look at my grandson, I was also challenged to take a look at myself in the process.
Deborah expounded on when she began to write her book all these memories and emotions started surfacing that she did not know existed. She explained how she was surprise and shocked about what was occurring with her…simply put, “I was in the business of people. Moreover, I was a Director of healthcare management. I organized other people lives so certainly my life could not be out of order.” However, that could not be farther from the truth.
Deborah expressed to me that it was out of this experience that she started examining her life so that she could put it back together again. “As a young girl, I kept all my thoughts and experiences in journals. By the time I became an adult, I had acquired approximately five journals. Day by day I started reading my journals and organizing the stories. It seemed as though my life was unfolding right in front of my eyes.”
The Caretaker's Path
“I can distinctly remember during the process of organizing my journals the story about Tamar in 2 Samuel 13 came to me. So, I turned to the Scriptures to read what happened to her. When I did, I could identify with her experience. What I mean is the story talks about the rape of Tamar, but more importantly, it explains how after she was raped that she needed help, but she could not find any help. She was told to keep quiet. As I read this story, I thought about how many times in our African American families that things happen and we are told to keep quiet about it? That was me….I lived by the principle ‘you can’t tell nobody.’ As a result, I started living in fear, guilt, and shame. It was only until I started writing my book entitled ‘Mirrored Reflection,’ did I find solace.”
“The book is all about going beyond the surface to help a person pull back those layers of the onion so that they can see what’s going on in the inside of them.” explained Deborah.
She made it clear that the book is more about emotions and silent struggles. She wants all people to know that when caretakers, parents, adults and the like are suffering the whole house suffers from the head-of-the-household all the way down to the children. In fact, she re-iterated how her grandson was considered the little man of the house, but he was a little boy.
“My grandson was given the role of a man, because the caretaker of the household was unable to function in her role due to her emotions and silent struggles. We have to be mindful of what we say to our children. I realized the struggle was in me so I was unable to help my grandson”, stated Deborah.
Deborah’s voice grew stronger as she stated, “We have to be mindful of what we say to children.” Through working with her grandson and organizing her book she realized that the conflict was in her so she couldn’t help her grandson.
“When I look at my life I have the same fingerprints as my mom. My mom had 3 sets of children and I had 3 sets of children. One day when I was upset with my husband, I said, I’m leaving going to the country. My mother did the exact same thing by taking a brief sabbatical. I could see that I was repeating the same generational cycle, and it needed to be broken, so I decided that it stops here with my grandson!”
Since that time, Deborah have found myself writing this book telling God, “Thank you” for moving the thorns of life and giving her hope. She added that we all must go through the process. Although the final process may hurt it is necessary to make you whole it will burn off all the dross.
She pointed out, “The man in the mirror has a choice. He can wallow or he can seek help. At that moment, God’s divine deliverance will come to that person’s aid. Take God at his word. Lead like the leader with unconditional love. It took God and his mercy to help me through the process and he will certainly help each one of you. Each chapter of the book has its own personality but I am sure, at the end, you will find your deliverance.”
Dr. Deborah L. Allen-Jones Website: http://deborahljones-allen.net/
To purchase a copy of Mirrored Reflections: http://www.magcloud.com/user/pecantree